The Learning Zone for Parents and Carers

Colin Waters, Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution

Sorry, as Sir Elton would have it, always seems to be the hardest word. Saying sorry is difficult because it involves the swallowing of pride. Yet saying sorry is often only the start of a process that requires a sustained effort and change of behaviour. This month, Cyrenians Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution (SCCR) has launched on its website a new section, The Learning Zone for Parents and Carers, full of ideas for anyone who wants to take the step following ‘sorry’.

Not saying sorry or saying sorry but not backing up your apology with action can damage relationships – and relationship breakdown remains the leading cause of youth homelessness in Scotland. Some 5,000 young people present as homeless every year in Scotland. SCCR was set up in 2014 to reduce the number of young Scots sleeping rough or sofa surfing. To that end it has worked towards becoming a national centre for best practice in mediation and early intervention for three audiences: young people, parents and carers, and professionals who work with families in crisis.

The Learning Zone for Parents and Carers is in fact the third part of a trilogy that began last spring when SCCR launched Learning Zones for Young People and for Professionals. For The Learning Zone for Parents and Carers, SCCR wanted to spend longer talking with parents and carers about their relationships with their young people, what caused the flare-ups, and how they worked out their differences (or not). What SCCR learned was surprising.

While SCCR was aware that screen time was an issue for parents, not until they held discussions with parents and carers, and heard repeatedly how much of an issue screen time is, did they grasp the extent to which technology drives family conflict. Consequently, the new Learning Zone has a section on how parents and carers can compromise on screen time.

The Learning Zone for Parents is divided into three parts.

Many parents are mystified as to why their young person changes so much when they reach their teens, despite having once been teenagers themselves. The answers lie in changes taking place inside the brain during adolescence – and if parents and carers knew more about those changes, perhaps they’d be more sympathetic to what their young person is experiencing. This is the thinking behind the first part of the Learning Zone, ‘Teenage Brain and Development’.

In the second part, ‘Wellbeing and Coping for Parents and Carers’, we look at advice for parents and carers who want to resolve conflict but are unsettled after arguments. Parents and carers who want their young person to stay calm must first model that behaviour themselves – and this section has some ideas, from breathing exercises to ‘stress buckets’, on how to restore their equilibrium.

This leads us to part three, ‘Family Conflict and Management’, which shares practical suggestions for what parents and carers and their young people can do together once they resolve to work their differences out. The three sections can be worked through or a parent / carer can jump straight to the part most relevant to their concerns.

To return to Elton John, Saturday (or any other) night doesn’t have to be alright for fighting. Sorry might be hard, but if you want your relationships to thrive, and you’re short of ideas for how to start a difficult conversation with your young person, visit The Learning Zone for Parents and Carers.

You can access The Learning Zone for Parents and Carers via https://www.scottishconflictresolution.org.uk/learning-zone-parents-and-carers-landing