Round table discussion 1
Participants noted key themes and issues on post-its. Their comments are grouped (roughly) under the headings/themes below. Many mentioned 'communication' and 'relationships'.
Parent/teenager communication
- Importance of communication - has to be two way
- Communication is key - need to communicate better
- How to improve? Two way communication needed
- Importance of listening and communicating
- Courses on communication STAGE (STAGE mentioned several times)
- The importance of relationship and communication between parent and child - what blocks this/what is effective in building this?
- Love and respect
- Relationships
- Trust and engagement/understanding
- The importance of teens and parents getting on the same communication wavelength
- Communication - the parents understanding of what, how, this should be done. Such a powerful tool for us all
- Importance of relationships in this age range and not behaviour management
- The gap between what young people think is important and what parents are concerned about despite the desire for relationship on both parts
- Both parents and teenagers want to have better family relationships. They both want love
- How to reconcile what young people want from parents with what parents say they need to know: focus on communication - us/them divide
- Love and communication
- What stands out - communication/adaptation needs of child v parents' needs
- Technology - instant message and conversation - could be a barrier to communicating
- Mismatch between what teenagers' concerns are (family relationships, mental health) and what parents want to focus on (internet, mental health, homework etc) - is this lack of listening - parents and talking -young people
- Information for parents of teenagers needs to cover a broad range of topics and clearly one size doesn't fit all. They won't need/use it until it's a real situation for them and their teen
- The angst of teenagers appears to be universal. However I don't think we parents perceive it that way at the moment. The STAGE idea offers a chance to look at it in another way. This might help manage it better
- John Coleman discussing how adversity and resilience affect teenagers development
- Partnership working to share information
- Multi agency support
- Think out of the box
- Communication and multi-disciplinary
- Engaging parents in the process
- School involvement in the overall role
- Communication is key - for parents and teenagers How do we help communication
- How do we engage with vulnerable parents?
- How do we engage with the parents of teenagers who are not interested in their kids?
- Developing a broad range of "life skills" that support parents and others in dealing with conflict?
- How do we ensure that all parents receive education that helps them have positive relationships with their children?
- Need for individual consideration
- Not one size fits all
- Expectations of schools and schools engagement with other sectors
- Interventions in the school setting are less effective than home/community interventions
- Evaluating what parents find is effective for them
- Parents look to school websites - can teenager parenting courses be advertised there to improve recruitment?
- Considering how to provide accessible information for parents in our area
- Parent insecurities or anxieties during the teenage years
- Lack of support/advice for parents
- Knowing what is normal behaviour/experience at different ages and stages and how to address/anticipate likely issues of concern and recognise how rewarding parenting can be at any point
- Knowing it is ok - parent
- Not to feel when your teenager isn't communicating with you that it's your fault or that they don't care or want to speak with you
- Parents need clear information based on the best evidence available
- Importance of brain development in this period - most important after first year
- The research and evidence re teenage brain (Christchurch study)
- How can we forget the life stages we've passed through. Weren't parents teens once?
- Letting parents know that teenagers are going through a natural phase of development. Things will change. Being prepared for that; managing that. Parent support groups just a safe place to go and share stories. Being aware that teenagers are knowingly preparing themselves to leave the nest. They know their brains are working faster than the parent's brain. Power becomes a key issue. Parents want the power and control over their vulnerable teenagers that they don't see being ready. Balance of communication is key but shouldn't start form the teenage years. Teenagers are in a vulnerable place, they don't trust themselves, others or they live in because everything in their lives is changing
- What parents worry about is not always the relevant risks/worries for the child
- The difficulty parents have in keeping up with the ever-changing teen brain/emotions
- Accessible info, easy-read information
- Language used by teenagers in DVD clip - LOVE
- Love. Learn to make own mistakes
- Love, support, advice
- I want to be loved!
- Young people need their parents' support and love
- The video - how children can ignore and resist communicating with parents but just want to be loved and shown affection
- Family relationships matter
- Teenagers want time and love
- If teenagers have a key adult in their life it is not too late to help
- Role of agencies
- Sources of information
- Support for parents/what parents need to know
- What teenagers need from parents
- That teenagers want their parents' love but may not be able, willing to say