“Every time I hear my teenager’s bedroom door slam I think of the tips and remember 'conflict is normal' - it just gives me a minute to calm down.”
Parent, Edinburgh
Top ten tips for parents and families
Being a parent isn't always easy. The teenage years can be
particularly difficult as teenagers may behave like adults one
minute and children the next. Here are some tips which you may find
helpful.
Read them below or get a copy sent to you
free.
1) Conflict is normal
Conflict with your teenager is not always a bad thing - your
teenager is learning to become independent. Try to stay calm.
Listen to your teenager's point of view and decide what
is worth taking a stand on and what isn't.
2) Give clear guidelines
Set out clear guidelines about what is acceptable. Tell teenager
where you're going, who with and you'll be back - expect them to do
the same. Teenagers need clear guidelines just as much as younger
children - setting boundaries shows you care.
3) Respect their views
Don't expect teenagers to agree with everything you say. The
teenage years are a time of testing opinions and people. Sometimes
parents and teenagers have to agree to differ. Your teenager is
more likely to respect your views if you respect theirs.
4) Show interest
Let your teenager know that you are interested in what they
do at home and at school. Offer support and guidance with school
work and revision. Keep an eye on where they are and who they are
with, encourage them to talk about how they feel - but beware of
turning interest into pressure.
5) Spend time together
Your child is maturing and your relationship may be changing.
Spend time doing everyday things together. The teenage years are
exciting and enjoyable. Have fun - they'll soon be grown up. Let
them know you will always be there for them.
6) Make time for talking and listening
Teenagers say that their parents do not listen to them. Let your
teenager know that you have time to talk. Share your values with
them but don't impose them. If your teenager wants to talk, make
time to listen.
7) Give them space
We all need time for ourselves. Teenagers need their own space,
time for themselves and the right not to tell their parents
everything about their lives. Respect your teenager's right to
privacy and try to remember what it was like to be a teenager.
8) Encourage them
Giving encouragement and taking an interest in your teenager is
as important as praising them. Praise them for their efforts and
let them know when they do something that pleases you. Don't be
afraid to tell them that you love them, even if you get no
response.
9) Share your life experiences
Let them know that you've made mistakes and tell them some of
the things that you would do differently if you had the chance. Let
them learn from the consequences of their actions - don't protect
them too much.
10) Look after yourself
Parents today have a difficult job to do but parents don't need
to be perfect. Make sure you look after yourself and have people to
talk to when you need to. Try to spend sometime thinking about your
own life and priorities.