“Every time I hear my teenager’s bedroom door slam I think of the tips and remember 'conflict is normal' - it just gives me a minute to calm down.”
Parent, Edinburgh
Ten Top Tips for parents and families
Being a parent isn't always easy. The teenage years can be
particularly difficult as teenagers may behave like adults one
minute and children the next. Here are some tips which you may find
helpful.
Read them below or get a copy sent to you
free.
1) Conflict is normal
Your teenager is trying to establish their independence - listen
to your teenager's point of view, be prepared to compromise and
recognise that sometimes they need to 'win'. Decide what's worth
taking a stand on and what isn't.
2) Give clear guidelines
Set out clear guidelines about what is acceptable behaviour.
Tell teenagers where you're going, who you're with and what time
you will be back - expect them to do the same for you. Teenagers
need clear guidelines just as much as younger children - setting
boundaries shows your teenager that you care.
3) Respect their views
Don't expect teenagers to agree with everything you say. The
teenage years are a time of testing opinions and people. Parents
and teenagers have to move to a position where they agree to
differ. Your teenager is more likely to respect your views if you
respect his/hers.
4) Show interest
Let your teenager know that you are interested in what she/he
does at home and at school. Offer support and guidance with school
work and revision. Keep an eye on their whereabouts, friends and
relationships - but beware of turning interest into pressure.
5) Spend time together
Spend time doing everyday things with your teenagers. Have fun
together - they'll soon be grown up. Let them know you will always
be there to offer comfort and support.
6) Make time for talking and listening
Teenagers say that their parents do not listen to them. Let your
teenager know that you have time to talk. Share your values with
them but don't impose them. If your teenager wants to talk, make
time to listen.
7) Give them space
We all need time for ourselves. Teenagers need their own space,
time for themselves and the right not to tell their parents
everything about their lives. Respect your teenager's right to
privacy and try to remember what it was like to be a teenager.
8) Praise them
Praise them at every opportunity. Praise and encouragement
promotes self esteem and confidence. If they do something that
pleases you, tell them. Don't be afraid to tell them that you love
them, even if you get no response.
9) Share your life experiences
Let them know that you've made mistakes and tell them some of
the things that you would do differently if you had the chance. Let
them learn from the consequences of their actions - don't protect
them too much.
10) Treat all questions seriously
Remember that how you answer questions (on whatever subject)
will affect how comfortable they feel about approaching you in the
future. Just because your teenager asks you about sex doesn't mean
that they are sexually active, pregnant or gay.